Novelist Running Through Time
Chapter 52

TL: KSD

I believed that eternal love did not exist.

Until I met that person.

If I were to define the “before that” time specifically, it would have to be based on my perception. This is because human memory is not immutable.

Therefore, the life I perceive to have started around when I was 4 years old. By then, my biological parents had passed away in the Korean War, and I was being raised under the lukewarm love of my adoptive parents in the United States, having been adopted as if sold.

It wasn’t because my adoptive parents had personality issues that they gave me “lukewarm” love. Quite the contrary, in fact.

That regrettable and kind infertile couple adopted an orphan in a dire situation as an act of charity, to overcome their own trauma, and to save souls based on (Christian ethical views).

However, the realistic limit of having 12 adoptive children was insurmountable. When loving even one person can be so difficult that many fail, how could one possibly love all 12 children?

Thus, I grew up in a state of ‘love insensitivity,’ unable to feel the love of my biological parents who supposedly died for me, nor the love of my adoptive parents who supposedly adopted me out of love.

And what had the most influence on my teenage years was the Brooklyn of the 1960s-

EP 5-A Love Story

“Aargh!”

Whoosh –

I tore out the manuscript page and threw it.

I didn’t crumple it into a ball, though. Even a failed page might be referenced later.

Irritably, I picked up the manuscript pages I had thrown on the floor and put them into a file.

If Gu Yu-na, my former lover, had seen this, she would have criticized me for “an archaic behavior of a monkey who doesn’t write on a laptop,” and for “wastefully indulging in the stereotype of a craftsman who breaks unfinished pottery, superficially mimicking without depth.” Then, I would have retorted, “Your dad bought you a laptop?” and Gu Yu-na would have felt sorry for a long while, sulked, and eventually bought me a laptop.

I smirked briefly, imagining daily life with Gu Yu-na, before snapping back to reality.

Writing is not going well.

It flows smoothly then suddenly hits a snag.

Upon a little thought, I realized the reason. It’s because of that damn ‘Brooklyn.’

Setting the novel in Brooklyn without knowing anything about it has led to a stumbling block whenever American-related stories come up due to a lack of knowledge.

Why did I even set the background in Brooklyn! I didn’t even know that Brooklyn was part of New York!

However, I thought the sophisticated yet shabby atmosphere of the town where Captain America, who was beaten up in the back alleys, lived, fit this novel.

Especially since the 1950s are the setting, it would be impossible to develop a modern romance novel if the location were set in Korea. What if Kim Du-han barged in while drinking at a modern bar? No, wait, was there such a thing as a modern bar in Seoul right after the Korean War?

In any case, to draw readers’ empathy, it’s necessary to create common ground between the characters in the novel and the readers.

For 21st-century readers to immerse themselves in the lives of people from the 1950s, a certain level of empathy must be formed.

Therefore, setting the background in the United States, which was already developed to a degree comparable to modern Korea, can be considered appropriate for writing a “modern romance.”

And think about how difficult it must have been for Asians and Caucasians to marry at that time. Love must have obstacles, as proven by Romeo and Juliet.

“Ah…”

But still, trying to write a novel with America as the backdrop without knowing about America makes my head hurt.

I momentarily covered the manuscript and walked out of the study room, stretching as I walked down the hallway.

Children passing through the hallway greeted me.

“Moon In-seop, hi~”

“Ah, hello.”

“I’m three years older than you, kid.”

“……Ah. I forgot because it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. But why are we of similar height?”

“I don’t know! Uh-huhuhu.”

A senior whose name I didn’t know pretended to wipe away tears and ran outside with a soccer ball.

Through the window, I could see heavy snow falling. And on the heavily snow-covered field, our orphanage kids were running around like mad.

As always, it was a very serene scene.

I smiled contentedly and went downstairs.

The PE teacher, who was moving stuff with some volunteers, was surprised to see me.

“In-seop, you?! When did you come?”

“Yesterday.”

“Ah- I see! Planning to rest over the weekend?”

“Yes.”

The volunteers, helping with the luggage, became excited as if they had seen a celebrity upon seeing me.

“Aren’t you Author Moon?!”

“Hello.”

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“Thank you. Not because you’re my fan, but I’m really grateful that you’ve come to volunteer at the orphanage.”

“Then, could I… ask for an autograph?!”

“Yes.”

“Maybe a photo too?!”

“Yes.”

Surrounded by volunteers, I signed T-shirts and took selfies with bizarre filters applied.

The PE teacher, watching this scene, happily slapped his hand on my shoulder and bragged.

“I told you I raised him!”

It was a lie, but I didn’t bother to point it out. He was someone who always bought meals for the kids.

The PE teacher and the volunteers surrounding me enjoyed a moment of joy, chewing over and relishing my presence.

Then, as the PE teacher began to move the luggage he had set down on the floor again, he said to me.

“That’s right! Come by anytime if it’s tough! Our orphanage is always welcoming! Have a good rest!”

“Thank you.”

It was a common courtesy, but it slightly discomforted me.

An orphanage isn’t a place where one can come and go and stay as they please.

We grow up here and consider this place our hometown, but it can never be our home.

The moment we become adults, we are forced out.

Therefore, we are children born without homes. Children who have no warm place where they can always stay. Children without a nest to return to when times get tough, who resign themselves to the eventual separation from teachers they consider parents and friends they consider siblings.

That’s why I longed for an unchanging love.

Of course, then as now, such a thing doesn’t exist.

“Hmm.”

The thought I just had, it might be good to use in a novel.

With that thought, I went out for a walk in the yard.

Greeting the children’s hellos with a friendly response, I quietly walked the perimeter of the orphanage alone.

What is love?

What is this base emotion that rots with time, hurts people, and is abandoned when there’s no money…

I don’t know. Let’s focus on the walk for now.

The thickly piled snow crunched pleasantly underfoot with each step, transmitting a pleasing sensation to my feet.

Even the biting cold felt truly refreshing after enduring the summer. Of course, in a month, I’ll be shivering and praying for winter to pass quickly.

Then, I detected the smell of cigarettes with my nose.

My body involuntarily followed the scent of the cigarette. It’s an unavoidable thing for a smoker who is trying to quit long-term.

The smoke was wafting from an alleyway beyond the orphanage’s wall.

I quietly peeked my head around to look inside the alley.

Ma Ki-hoon was sitting on a vent, smoking a cigarette with a troubled expression.

“Hey.”

“Whoa! You scared me!”

Ma Ki-hoon was startled and hid the cigarette behind him.

Then, seeing my face, he smiled as if relieved.

“What, it’s you?”

“Share if you have something good.”

“You wanna die?”

Ma Ki-hoon awkwardly laughed and asked how I was doing.

“…How’s school?”

“Fine, so-so.”

“How’s your writing?”

“That too, so-so.”

“Why did you come to the orphanage?”

“I came to clear my head. My friends said I looked too depressed staying at home.”

“Lucky you, really…….”

“……”

“……”

“……”

I approached Ma Ki-hoon and quietly sat down beside him. That’s probably what he needed the most right now.

Sure enough, Ma Ki-hoon rubbed his cigarette on the wall to put it out, then started spilling why he was feeling this way.

“I’ve entered my final year.”

“So it has come to that.”

Once an orphanage resident becomes an adult, they must leave the orphanage. If they get into a university, they go there; if not, they have to find a job.

And one year before being thrust into society.

The moment they become roughly third-year high school students, they are classified as “due for discharge.”

And those due for discharge are separated. They live in slightly distant accommodations and end up not seeing the orphanage children as often as before.

This was a measure to detach, even if a little, the affection between the children who will leave and those who will stay.

When I was young, I thought this was cruel. But now, I somewhat understand it.

However, looking back, when I was classified as due for discharge and living my final year…

I couldn’t feel worse.

“Ah, fuck, the atmosphere in the final year is so damn shitty.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Everyone mopes around like they’re depressed. Put them next to sick chickens, and you wouldn’t know who’s who.”

“Ah…”

“Ugh, fuck, it’s not like I’m in any position to talk. I don’t even know how I’m going to survive after I graduate…”

“What about college?”

“With no money and no brains, you think that’s possible?”

“I guess so.”

“What? You little shit…”

Ma Ki-hoon seemed to brighten up a bit as we talked.

However, as the conversation went deeper, Ma Ki-hoon’s expression darkened again.

“…I’m thinking of breaking up with Hye-jin.”

“What?!”

Hye-jin was Ma Ki-hoon’s girlfriend, with whom he had been in a relationship for nearly 7, no, almost 8 years.

By that point, it was practically a common-law marriage. Naturally, they were the representative couple recognized by everyone in the orphanage, and their relationship was well known to everyone there (since they all lived in the same place).

“Why, why, why?!”

“Hye-jin, she’s preparing for the college entrance exam.”

“And why is that?”

“She said because she’s preparing for the exam, let’s take a break from dating for a year.”

“That, that can happen. Even long-term couples can have a time when they focus on studying.”

“I know. But after hearing that, I thought about it, and Hye-jin, she’s going to make it big. Despite being beaten by her parents and ending up in the orphanage, she grew up without a wrinkle and is now ranked 7th in the whole school. She even took care of the kids in the orphanage amidst all that. Honestly, I think if she focuses on her studies, she could even aim for Seoul National University. I know because I’ve seen her for a long time.”

Ah. I see.

Why Ma Ki-hoon is acting like this.

“Hye-jin… she deserves a much better man than me.”

“…Ha.”

Deserves.

I didn’t lie by saying there’s no ‘status’ among people. We were born in the lowest class of this society. We know all too painfully well that this society operates on a caste system.

So, I just quietly listened to Ma Ki-hoon. That must be the help he needed the most right now.

“Though I don’t know, the man she’ll meet in college will be much better than me. In brains, looks, personality, family background…….”

“…….”

Ma Ki-hoon suddenly stopped talking, concealed the sadness in his expression, and forced himself to appear calm.

He forced a laugh and playfully, yet roughly, ruffled my hair.

“Ah, thanks, In-seop. How much have you donated to the orphanage, you bastard? Hye-jin said the orphanage gives a ton of money if she passes. She won’t have to worry about tuition.”

“…….”

“So, Hye-jin can study with ease. I can’t believe how hard she’s studying. It’s the first time I’ve seen her so focused in my life…….”

Feeling I had heard enough of his story, I sharply retorted.

“Who do you think is the reason for that?”

“What?”

“Why do you think that sunbae is studying like a mad person?”

“…….”

“Of course, she might want to succeed on her own. But in the future she’s imagining, you’re supposed to be by her side.”

“…….”

“But if you suddenly say from here, ‘I’ll remove myself from your future.’ ‘It’s all for you.’ Then do you think she can study properly? Won’t she break down mentally?”

“Ha.”

Ma Ki-hoon made a cowardly excuse.

Just like I did when leaving Gu Yu-na.

“I know. So I was planning not to say anything until after the college entrance exam.”

“Don’t do that. If you think you don’t match up with that girl, then you should try to become someone who does.”

“Effort? I’m not a genius like you.”

“Did I ever tell you to write? Ah, just do something, anything.”

“What can I do?! Should I follow the local thugs around and try to make some money?”

“Jeez. Happiness isn’t based on academic performance… Well, it is, but it’s not based on wealth either. Hypothetically, if I give you 100 million won right now, does that make you a match for her? If I give you 1 billion won, does that make her unfit for you? No, right!”

Damn it. It’s too easy to speak when it’s someone else’s story.

If I had been like this in the past, I wouldn’t be regretting it now. That’s why my words towards Ma Ki-hoon became harsher.

“Ultimately, love isn’t about money, education, or family background; it’s about what’s inside. This isn’t about whether you have enough wealth to match her academic credentials. It’s about whether you live your life earnestly enough to stand proudly in front of her!”

“…Ah.”

“And from what I see, Ma Ki-hoon, you just smoke in back alleys, hardly the type to match with a girl who’s gritting her teeth and studying hard to get into Seoul National University.”

“…….”

Ma Ki-hoon clenched his eyes shut and remained silent for a long while.

Then, he opened his eyes, which looked a bit changed, after a deep sigh.

“…Okay. I get what you’re saying.”

“What will you do now?”

“I need to find a job. It’s too late for college now. Fuck… I should have studied harder when I was younger.”

“What kind of job will you look for?”

“Following the local gangsters around because they keep trying to cast me would just ruin my life, right?”

“You know it.”

“Then, whether it’s McDonald’s, a factory, or whatever, I have to bust my ass for a year to make money. And after Hye-jin finishes her exams and we become adults, I’ll give her a bank account. Use this for your tuition. I have to cover all your school expenses to feel dignified. But let’s use any scholarship money to buy a house together. How about that?”

“That looks pretty good, but don’t marry too early. Not if you don’t want to add another one of us.”

“I know. Fuck.”

“And if you’re looking for a job, I can introduce you to one. It’s manageable with school, but it’s intense, with no regard for day or night. However, the pay is good, they don’t care about educational background for hiring, and if you build experience, even as a part-timer, you can later become a full-time employee and continue working for decades.”

“Really?! Then I must do it!”

“Then from now on, you’re my manager.”

“What?”

“Let’s go, manager.”

With that, I turned and walked out of the alley.

I heard sounds of “Huh? Eh?” from behind, but I didn’t pay any attention to them.

Now, I had to return to the orphanage and focus on my writing.

“…….”

But then.

The contemplation about love that I had been pondering for a long time.

…Didn’t I just unwittingly express it?

*****

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